I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
