forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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