I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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