Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
