I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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