Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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