Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
time to smoke my breakfast
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My pussy is not your playground.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
