so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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