It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
