i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
