and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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