What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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