saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
