i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
