we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize