Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
