her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
