I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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