I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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