everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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