he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
