I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize