Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
