She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
