He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
