So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
