He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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