What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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