Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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