weddingsv make me drug and hornr
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
