I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
