I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
