These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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