y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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