Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
