Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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