You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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