the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
