I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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