hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
