I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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