Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
