I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
