Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize