Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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