I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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