You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
