I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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