She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
