Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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