maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
