This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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