u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
