omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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