How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
