The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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