It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
