So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
