Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
