Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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