I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
