i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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