I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize