im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
