i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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