I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
