I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
