watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
