im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
