Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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