I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i think i just lost a toe
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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