yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
