Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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