Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
