Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize