My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
