If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
