his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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