i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
