y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
