OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
