Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
