i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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