I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
