did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
