well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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