so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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