last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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