Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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