You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
