Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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