Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
