The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
