Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found your dick twin last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
