Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
