even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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