I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize