Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
