so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
