Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize