You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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