I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize